Coupleworks Blogs

Understanding Changes in Sexual Frequency

Many couples we see at Coupleworks come into therapy feeling as though there is something fundamentally wrong with their relationship when their desire starts to wane and the pattern of their sex life changes. It can sometimes be difficult to help couples normalise...

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The Yes Brain Child

In my experience as a therapist Mother’s Day raises all kinds of questions and emotions for my clients.  Frequently their own childhood experiences of being mothered will continue to impact them and is affecting how they are in their current relationship.  Equally too...

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The idea of a ‘Normal’ Relationship

‘If it is true that there as many minds as there are heads, Then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts’ (Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina) The recent controversy in Birmingham schools over sex and relationship education has exposed the belief, held by some,...

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Secrets and Lies

Couples come to therapy for a range of different reasons and one of the most important requirements for any good therapeutic experience is that there is openness and honesty in the sessions.  But clients are not always honest with themselves, or their therapists and...

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Conflict in front of children – How much is too much?

When asking new clients why they have come to therapy, a common answer is to ‘improve communication’. On exploring further it often transpires that this is a euphemism for unresolved irritations bordering on rage. It can be a brave and creative decision to begin...

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Denial versus exposure.

Joint denial in a couple is difficult to work with unless there is a facility for long term work. More often in the consulting room, I find one person is in denial and the other tells all. This is a common cause of irritation on both sides. Often, I hear, ' You are so...

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Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is upon us – with all the hype and commercialisation that goes with that.  For some couples, particularly at the start of a relationship, it can be a time of excitement and the anticipation of good things to come. But for others the day has something...

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Working with Transgenders

transgender /tranzˈdʒɛndə,transˈdʒɛndə/ adjective denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex. Over the past few years I have had the opportunity of working with two transgender individuals. It...

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Anxiety and Negativity in a Relationship

Relationship therapists often note that there is an increase of enquiries in January and it seems that 21st January was designated ‘Blue Monday’ - the most depressing day of the year. Is there a link? Apparently a mixture of the dark evenings and grey weather...

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January can be a difficult month for Couples

What is it about January that sees such a surge in petitions for divorce and triggers a spouse to decide, out of the blue to up and leave their marriage, walk out and file for divorce, leaving partners feeling shocked, abandoned and betrayed? In my practice this month...

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Retirement and Couple Life

Watching Andy Murray struggling with the aftermath of his performance this week gave a searing glimpse into the pain of the forced ending to a career in which he has worked tirelessly to gain a place of supremacy. His current suffering is a sad example of what many of...

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Friendships and health.

Coupleworks.co.uk has read in the last few weeks that friendships are beneficial to mental and physical health. Coupleworks, formed in 2004 is a non profit making group of skilled therapists who between us have gathered approximately 150 years of couple counselling...

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Finding a therapist isn’t always easy

Finding an individual or couple’s therapist should be straightforward and yet it can sometimes be a complicated process for people.  Asking for help can be difficult and finding the right person that you’re comfortable with requires the ability to be clear about what...

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Relationships and Stress

As a therapist I often see how powerfully external factors in life can influence the stability of a couple’s relationship.  Sometimes these can stem from events happening to a friend or family member – illness, death or marital breakdown can all have significant...

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This Can Happen

It’s not very often that attending a conference leaves such a buzz and positive energy amongst the participants.  This is how it was at the This Can Happen Conference on Tuesday 20 November 2018, the inaugural corporate mental health event where companies address...

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Couples Therapy can help with Mental Health Issues

This year’s theme for Mental Health Awareness week was ‘Surviving or Thriving’. Mental health problems are on the rise – we are making progress on our physical health but not doing the same with our mental health.  Thanks to journalists and TV programmes speaking out...

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People Pleasing – the Pitfalls of being Too Nice

Let’s start by agreeing that there’s nothing wrong with ‘nice’ - although the word can have a slightly saccharine ring to it. Being a thoughtful and loving or attentive partner, colleague or friend is a Good Thing. We all need to give and receive neighbourliness and...

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Grandparent couples in the 21st century

I am writing this blog with the knowledge I have gained over the years about couples becoming grandparents; mainly in the Western World. As a background to my thinking I am taking for granted that grandparents in certain cultures, religions, social positioning and in...

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Jealousy: How to Embrace and Talk about it with our Partner

Dr. Ari Kiev, a New York psychiatrist, who has written on the subject of jealousy, calls it “the most painful” of human emotions. He claims that jealousy often strikes in the early stages of a relationship when the couple have not developed a sufficiently strong...

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