When uncertainty presents itself, whatever their upbringing or culture, people feel anxious, stressed and uneasy.

When two people come together and form a partnership, uncertainty is, in some cases, shared and in others the discombobulation is doubled.

Both sides of the couple will deal with the situation in different ways. This in its turn can cause conflict and feelings of separation from their normal routine and patterns of life together. The disagreements become a malignant roundabout of misunderstandings and a sense of isolation.

At Coupleworks, we try to enable each half of the duo to hear and respect each other’s differences by borrowing anything which sounds positive and allow the other to follow their instinct while they follow theirs. 

Out of the compromise will come a sense of shared solutions. If an idea or action proves negative it is then easier to jointly allow the error and together work out a better solution.

Loss, particularly sudden loss, redundancy, changing jobs and moving home and location therefore support of the known community perhaps built up over many years and retirement  are all unsettling. These are only some areas which feel frightening and isolating. 

At this moment in our world history, life  feels very uncertain. How can couples stop the uncertainty creeping into their daily interaction in negative ways?

Perhaps, tolerance and working as a team goes some way towards comforting each other and moving forward with hope rather than despair and fear.  Humour and knowing the present situation will end can help the couple remain intimate and together.

Schadenfreude can briefly help a feeling of despair.  It can help to ground people and see their dilemma in relation to other people’s unknown.  Reading a factual book, the daily newspapers, watching the news, a documentary or film can bring a temporary sense of relief but time is the factor which will eventually reinstate normal routine and comfort.

Clare Ireland.