Coupleworks Blogs

Developing Our Resilience in a Time of Pandemic

Resilience may be defined as ‘the capacity to adapt to and recover from adversities and difficult situations’ and it suggests ‘the presence of flexibility and elasticity that allows for an adjustment to misfortune and challenge’.  Resilience may be understood as...

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Kintsugi

THE JAPANESE ART OF SHOWING US THE  STRENGTH AND BEAUTY IN HEALING AND REPAIR ‘The world breaks everyone and afterwards, some are strong at the broken places.’ Hemingway wrote this in his seminal work ‘A Farewell to Arms’ but it feels relevant to...

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A link

Coupleworks sometimes find it useful to link everyday news items to real experiences of one of our couples.  A news item which illustrates this was reported recently:- The North Circular is not a motorway….it is a main road running through both private dwellings...

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Anxiety

Anxiety is the new epidemic running parallel to Covid-19, and there is no mask, social distancing or vaccine to combat it. Even with the second lockdown ending this week, people are more stressed and anxious than ever before with no assurances that the world will ever...

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Why Little Things Matter

2020 will go down as a year in which almost everything changed, but one thing that has not is the usual outpouring of the Christmas advertisements.  MacDonald’s asks ‘Are you Reindeer Ready?’, whilst Tesco, encouraging us all to indulge ourselves, proclaims...

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Managing Uncertainty during Lockdown

For therapists, uncertainty is an issue that often comes up in therapy and never more so than now.  It feels that over the past eight months when the first lockdown started, couples therapy sessions became more focused on uncertainty and anxiety than I can...

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It’s not all doom and gloom

Nights drawing in, Covid anxiety, winter blues, Christmas panic, it’s all going horribly wrong Or is it?  Many therapists are currently inundated with enquiries. Each client bringing their own dilemma, or needing a place to reflect, or wanting...

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Couple Roles in Lockdown and Beyond

Often, relationship counsellors will see individuals on their own. The huge advantage of coming to a couples counsellor, rather than one who deals with issues solely around individuals, is that a long and intense training allows us to ‘see’ them...

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When Couples Lie in Couple Therapy

As a therapist, I assume clients will be honest with me, naive as that might sound. This is not to say that people will be completely transparent; I appreciate that we all need to protect ourselves from our wounds and sometimes withhold things that might be difficult...

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Fear and Relationships

Speaking of his life experience Nelson Mandela wrote ‘I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers that fear’. And fear has as I know from my clients been high on...

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The Presence of Uncertainty

‘The events in our lives are transformative and yet, in the moment of experiencing them, we do not know in which ways they will be transformative. It is unknown.’ (Viktor E. Frankl) We know that complying with the ever-changing restriction rules, and managing the...

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Articulating the Importance of our Closest Relationships

Celebrating Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year this weekend was a very different experience this year.  Covid 19 prevented many people attending synagogue services and participating in the familiar customs. The rule of six made it difficult for families to...

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Midlife crisis for couples.

Partnership is like a human, it goes through many life stage changes .  Feelings fluctuate and need to be shared but when things feel vaguely estranged, sharing is hard. The couples will have gone through many different things which life throws at them...loss,...

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The hated familiar

This blog only touches on the Pandemic.  Some will be relieved to hear this.  We have all read interesting and well researched material on the last 5-6 months depending on where, geographically, people were cited.  I think, however, that we need to...

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Denial, Recognition and Stress

‘The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another’ William James Over the past two weeks Dawn and Kathy have been exploring some of the effects that lockdown has had both on our patterns of working as therapists – virtual therapy...

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Dealing with Anxiety in a Time of Uncertainty

Over the last few months, since the emergence of COVID19, I have often thought that ‘Love in a Time of Cholera’, the title of the book by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, has been a fitting description of the focus of my work with clients. Many alterations in the therapy,...

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The effect of lockdown on the therapist and the client

Who would have thought that at the beginning of March when lockdown started and we were all in a state of shock that three months later we would all still be coming to terms with this global pandemic and the unknown implications for the future. Rarely before in my 20+...

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Covid19 and our Green Secret Weapon

The Germans have a word for it, as they do for so many experiences that seem without a neat description in our own language. Waldeinsamkeit is their word that refers to the feeling one has while being alone in nature, and is described as...

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Acknowledgement

I prepared this blog some weeks before the shut (prefer that to lock) down.  I then re read it during the start of the Pandemic and found little to alter.  Now, crossing fingers that we are nearing the back end of restriction, I have read so much which bears...

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