Coupleworks Blogs
Handling Relationship Bugbears: Practical tips to help you.
When I begin relationship counselling with a couple, the first few sessions (whether online or at my London practice) often involve partners telling me about the everyday issues they don't like about each other, which causes conflict in their relationships. These...
POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION - WHEN BABYSHOCK BECOMES MORE SERIOUS Starting the Therapy Talking to couples negotiating tricky stages in relationships often means that they present with difficulties over communication and mutual feelings of not being heard or understood. This...
Stuck in a negative pattern.
Every couple is different and yet seek to be the same as other couples who at the same time are trying to fit into the group. This can be a dilemma for many people living together and seeking harmony. I try to work with my clients to enable a gentle shift in the...
Why is it so hard to say sorry?
When working with couples, I have often noticed a reluctance, a stubbornness, a resistance that makes it difficult for them to soften enough to say “I am sorry” to their partner. It feels as if these words are somehow an admission of something deeply shameful,...
Ready to transition to being a grandparent?
As Kathy wrote in the recent blog for Coupleworks and in thinking about what brings people and couples into therapy, it is often when they are facing a major transition in their lives. Of course, these transitions happen in a multitude of ways. It may be through the...
Change and Transitions
‘Therapy is sought, not primarily for enlightenment about the unchangeable past, but because of dissatisfaction with the present and a desire to better the future… A change in the current situation is required and, once established, however small, it necessitates...
Why don’t I fancy my partner anymore?
Recently, I've worked with several couples who have shared a common concern: they've noticed a decline in their attraction towards their partner. They've described their relationship as more akin to that of siblings than romantic partners and have confessed that they...
Why do we need rituals
Here we are again, coming up to autumn and leaving behind the summer where for many of us there will be breaks from work or study, much needed holidays and time away from the normal patterns and restrictions of everyday life. Autumn brings change and nature puts on...
Uncertainty
When uncertainty presents itself, whatever their upbringing or culture, people feel anxious, stressed and uneasy. When two people come together and form a partnership, uncertainty is, in some cases, shared and in others the discombobulation is doubled. Both sides of...
How to Know When to Leave a Relationship: Why Women Are Leaving Their Relationships
I have recently been seeing more and more women determined to leave their long-term relationships. It can sometimes seem impulsive, without a concrete reason behind the decision. So what I have tried to understand is the reason why women who have been in secure and...
Handling difference in relationships
One of the things that still surprises me when couples come to me for therapy is the number that say that they never argue. Now if they mean by that that they don’t have flaming rows, throwing things at each other in the style of some soaps, that is one thing – but...
‘COME TOGETHER: THE SCIENCE (AND ART!) OF CREATING LASTING SEXUAL CONNECTIONS’
‘COME TOGETHER: THE SCIENCE (AND ART!) OF CREATING LASTING SEXUAL CONNECTIONS’ Emily Nagoski (2024) BOOK REVIEW Since it was first published a few years ago, I have often recommended Emily Nagoski’s book on women’s sexuality: “Come As You Are’. (You can read a review...
ARE YOU STRUGGLING BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PARTNER WHO HAS MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES?
Last week’s Mental Health Awareness Week (13-19 May) theme was Movement. Simply making time every day last week to step outside in daylight and increase my steps made a significant change to how I felt and managed my stress. Working as a couples ‘therapist for over...
Phubbing – a serious threat to your relationship or just a part of modern life?
Our relationships with phones are A Thing now, a normal facet of 21st century living. For almost all of us, the smartphone has changed our lives. This includes the way we access information and maybe, above everything else, the way we now interact and communicate with...
Special Occasions. Managing stress and anxiety.
There are expectations around special occasions which can become stressful and anxious. These in turn can reflect negatively on the couple's interaction in all different life stages, cultures and religions. Shoulds and oughts which dominate on Special days in the...
Vulnerability is the heartbeat of relationships
Recently I watched the TED talk I have posted above by Anne Power. In it she explores the pioneering work of John Bowlby, particularly in relationship to Attachment Theory. But what struck me particularly was one of her final sentences “Vulnerability is the heartbeat...
A Book List – some recommendations
As a relationship therapist I am frequently asked for recommendations of thought provoking books on personal relationships that can help open up discussion. Therapy offers both individual clients and couples the chance to examine issues from a different perspective,...
Do you have a passive aggressive partner?
In couples therapy sessions, focus is often taken up with hearing and seeing aggression and anger being played out. Passive aggression on the other hand is harder to identify often staying under the radar just bubbling away. Passive aggressive behaviour is defined as...
Aramahoshi Big pleasure in small things
Daily Delights - Living and loving, simply At this time of year, the media is full of articles urging us to improve ourselves. It seems that every paper and magazine and every social media account I see bombards me with pathways to a better life. From diet and...
Life stages.
At the moment in two parts of the world, Ukraine and the Middle East, we are seeing the result of extreme anger generated by fear and the results are horrifying. For my blog which follows, written before the second horror erupted, I have tried to look at...