Coupleworks Blogs
Acknowledgement
I prepared this blog some weeks before the shut (prefer that to lock) down. I then re read it during the start of the Pandemic and found little to alter. Now, crossing fingers that we are nearing the back end of restriction, I have read so much which bears...
Books for Couples
Quarantine fatigue is real. After two months in lockdown, Groundhog Day has become a reality and to help us all through the ‘new normal’ our therapists have put together a list of books and Podcasts that we have found useful and often recommend to the couples we...
How do we agree on coming out of lockdown?
One of the things that has happened in the last few weeks are significant changes to our language. Words like ‘pandemic’ and ‘lockdown’ could be used fairly dispassionately at the beginning of 2020. Today that has significantly changed as those words are now highly...
Domestic Violence and COVID-19 Lockdown
As we enter week six of lockdown several domestic abuse charities and campaigners have reported a substantial increase in calls to helplines and online services since lockdown conditions were imposed. The UK charity Refuge reports calls to its helpline have...
IVF during Coronavirus
There are many hidden and private tragedies that seem almost to be sub plots of the worldwide drama that envelops us all in this strange time of Covid19. All the news we get appears to revolve around the worldwide pandemic and its traumatic...
Two views on working with clients during COVID-19: Couple Therapist and Family Lawyer
When Rachel, a family lawyer, asked if I would like to co-write a blog on “Relationships in Times of Covid-19” my first thought was how different our jobs are. I work with couples to see if their relationships can improve and get better; Rachel works with them once...
Potholes and Pitfalls.
Unfortunately, before the hiccup in our planet’s history which we are experiencing at the moment, I forgot to bring my blog to my present location. The local technology cannot handle shared devices so I am having to start again after a 6 week gap and without the...
Will my therapist see me in the light of Coronavirus?
Wherever you look at present our responses to Coronavirus are changing the ways we live our lives. Whether it is in searching for hand sanitiser, or stockpiling pasta, or self isolating, or working from home, life has changed in the last couple of weeks –...
Are your parents too intrusive in your relationship?
In my consulting room I am often not just sitting with a couple who are experiencing difficulties in their relationship but often with a couple who metaphorically bring their parents with them to every session and spend more time talking about their relationship with...
Is Fleabagging your drug of choice?
Huge respect to Phoebe Waller-Bridge for her amazingly creative and groundbreaking tv series, but the term ‘Fleabag’ actually originated in 1839 and was a noun used to describe an inferior bug infested rooming house - a place that should be inviting but proves to...
Do as you would be done by.
The above quote by Mary Wakefield in Water Babies sometimes comes into my mind when I set a task for a couple who are having difficult communication problems. The task involves them talking about what their idea of a ‘couple’ is and what they feel they need from each...
What to do when your Therapist gets in wrong
Most therapeutic relationships start with what psychotherapists call the ‘positive transference’ between client and therapist. This is where the client projects their positive feelings on to the therapist based on their experience of a “good object’ from previous...
How do we cope with difference in our relationship?
Difference is a factor common to every relationship. Whether it is foods or sex or hobbies or other interests each partner will have their own preferences and these are things that can bring life and energy to the relationship as well as being things that need to...
Can a relationship survive the discovery of an affair?
‘The revelation of an affair is eviscerating. If you really want to gut a relationship, to tear out the very heart of it, infidelity is a sure bet. It is betrayal on so many levels: deceit, abandonment, rejection, humiliation - all the things love promised to protect...
How can we make sure that 2020 is a better year for our couple relationship?
Already into the third week of the New Year, how many of us are still going strong with our new year's resolutions to do dry January or Veganuary, to do more exercise and eat less sugar? How many of us have found the novelty has worn off all too easily and returned...
Is stonewalling spoiling your relationship?
A New Year and better ways to resolve 2020 conflicts Back in the day, this was only known as ‘shutting down’ Actually the term has been around since the 1800s and is linked to the American Civil War when the Confederate troops were encouraged to...
The Return Journey by Steve Bull
Many emotive and inspiring books have been written about bereavement. This book, The Return Journey by Steve Bull describes in a generous way his attachment to his late wife Kathryn in the past, present and his future life without her. The switching...
Mothers and Daughters
Following on from my previous blog about The Book of Gutsy Women co written by Hilary and Chelsea Clinton, I recently attended a packed Royal Festival Hall watching Mary Beard in conversation with Hilary and Chelsea Clinton about their book. They were also...
Fair Fighting in Relationships
Watching Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn last week, wearing my ‘therapist’s hat’ it was very clear psychologically what was going on. In relational terms (or rather ‘non-relational’ as neither of them wanted to develop a genuine rapport with the other) it was a...
Imposter Syndrome
This was a short talk I presented at The Wing, an all women’s private members club in London, on 6 November before a panel discussion with high achieving women in the music industry. The topic was Imposter Syndrome. I am a couples and individual therapist and...
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