Coupleworks Blogs
How can we make sure that 2020 is a better year for our couple relationship?
Already into the third week of the New Year, how many of us are still going strong with our new year's resolutions to do dry January or Veganuary, to do more exercise and eat less sugar? How many of us have found the novelty has worn off all too easily and returned...
Is stonewalling spoiling your relationship?
A New Year and better ways to resolve 2020 conflicts Back in the day, this was only known as ‘shutting down’ Actually the term has been around since the 1800s and is linked to the American Civil War when the Confederate troops were encouraged to...
The Return Journey by Steve Bull
Many emotive and inspiring books have been written about bereavement. This book, The Return Journey by Steve Bull describes in a generous way his attachment to his late wife Kathryn in the past, present and his future life without her. The switching...
Mothers and Daughters
Following on from my previous blog about The Book of Gutsy Women co written by Hilary and Chelsea Clinton, I recently attended a packed Royal Festival Hall watching Mary Beard in conversation with Hilary and Chelsea Clinton about their book. They were also...
Fair Fighting in Relationships
Watching Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn last week, wearing my ‘therapist’s hat’ it was very clear psychologically what was going on. In relational terms (or rather ‘non-relational’ as neither of them wanted to develop a genuine rapport with the other) it was a...
Imposter Syndrome
This was a short talk I presented at The Wing, an all women’s private members club in London, on 6 November before a panel discussion with high achieving women in the music industry. The topic was Imposter Syndrome. I am a couples and individual therapist and...
Couple Conversation and Healthy Communication
A review of ‘Eight Dates - Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love’ (John & Julie Gottman) Falling in love can bring an intoxicating feeling that we are seen as we are, and that we are accepted as we are, and that we are perceived to be special. We...
Menopause and the Couple
World Menopause Day - remember it? Sadly that’s unlikely as it drifted under the radar for most of us. What should have been a great chance to really flag up a pivotal part of every woman’s lifecycle just melted away. October 18th since you ask Of all the reasons that...
Choice.
When couples or individuals come to my Practice I sometimes get a sense that they feel life is controlling them and they have no alternative but to continue on in the same, possibly negative and damaging way. It feels as if there is no way out. Becoming stuck in a...
Having Difficult Conversations Needs to Happen before Real Change can Happen
I watched an interview with Melissa Gates, co-founder of the Bill and Melissa Gates Foundation. Bill and Melissa work with partners around the world to help effect change globally and then scale solutions down to a local level. The foundation works to empower...
Listening with two ears
Epictetus, a Greek philosopher once said ‘We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak’. In practice of course, for many of us that is easier said than done and we need to train ourselves in the art of listening carefully to what...
The Autumn of a Long Relationship
In his poem ‘To Autumn’ Keats describes this time of year as the ‘Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness…’ describing Autumn as having its own richness and ‘music’ that is different from, but as lovely as, ‘the songs of Spring’. At the beginning, a new relationship...
Is it Gutsy to stay in a marriage after Infidelity?
Hilary Clinton was speaking to ABC’s Good Morning America this week to promote a book she wrote with her daughter Chelsea The Book of Gutsy Women. When asked “what was the gutsiest thing Hilary had ever done” she replied “politically running for President and...
Autumnal Change and Uncertainty
Let’s start with the premise that change is usually unsettling. The human brain is generally not programmed to thrive on risk, so habits and learned ways of thinking can be a source of comfort in our daily lives. The wise American philosopher William James stated...
Memory
It is now six weeks since the moving and emotional D-Day landing anniversary which made people in Europe and the wider world stand still and marvel about the courage…
Couples and Arguing
Before distinguishing one arguing style to another it’s helpful to normalise “arguing”. Couples argue and it’s healthy to communicate one’s point of view…
Narcissism and the Couple
Over the past few weeks it has been difficult to ignore the amount of publicity and hype being given to ‘Killing Eve’. Prior to the launch of the second series…
Anger and the Couple
Like a sniffer dog recognising the scent of explosives, we all learn to be alert to any hint of danger to our psychological well-being. Whenever we have…
Building and Repairing Trust
As we watch with varying degrees of disbelief the goings on between the Conservative candidates vying for the job of Prime Minister, it’s very difficult to believe that we can trust any of them to fulfil this important position. Being able to trust your partner is one...
Why the Father-Daughter Relationship is so important
With Father’s Day still in our sights it’s worth reiterating the pivotal importance of the paternal role. In therapy, it becomes so clear that dads sometimes underestimate their influence on growing daughters. And women who have grown up with disappointing or punitive...
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