Coupleworks Blogs

POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION - WHEN BABYSHOCK BECOMES MORE SERIOUS Starting the Therapy Talking to couples negotiating tricky stages in relationships often means that they present with difficulties over communication and mutual feelings of not being heard or understood. This...

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Stuck in a negative pattern.

Every couple is different and yet seek to be the same as other couples who at the same time are trying to fit into the group.  This can be a dilemma for many people living together and seeking harmony. I try to work with my clients to enable a gentle shift in the...

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Why is it so hard to say sorry?

When working with couples, I have often noticed a reluctance, a stubbornness, a resistance that makes it difficult for them to soften enough to say “I am sorry” to their partner. It feels as if these words are somehow an admission of something deeply shameful,...

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Ready to transition to being a grandparent?

As Kathy wrote in the recent blog for Coupleworks and in thinking about what brings people and couples into therapy, it is often when they are facing a major transition in their lives.  Of course, these transitions happen in a multitude of ways.  It may be through the...

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Change and Transitions

‘Therapy is sought, not primarily for enlightenment about the unchangeable past, but because of dissatisfaction with the present and a desire to better the future… A change in the current situation is required and, once established, however small, it necessitates...

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Why don’t I fancy my partner anymore?

Recently, I've worked with several couples who have shared a common concern: they've noticed a decline in their attraction towards their partner. They've described their relationship as more akin to that of siblings than romantic partners and have confessed that they...

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Why do we need rituals

Here we are again, coming up to autumn and leaving behind the summer where for many of us there will be breaks from work or study, much needed holidays and time away from the normal patterns and restrictions of everyday life. Autumn brings change and nature puts on...

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Uncertainty

When uncertainty presents itself, whatever their upbringing or culture, people feel anxious, stressed and uneasy. When two people come together and form a partnership, uncertainty is, in some cases, shared and in others the discombobulation is doubled. Both sides of...

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Handling difference in relationships

One of the things that still surprises me when couples come to me for therapy is the number that say that they never argue.   Now if they mean by that that they don’t have flaming rows, throwing things at each other in the style of some soaps, that is one thing – but...

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Special Occasions. Managing stress and anxiety.

There are expectations around special occasions which can become stressful and anxious. These in turn can reflect negatively on the couple's interaction in all different life stages, cultures and religions. Shoulds and oughts which dominate on Special days in the...

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Vulnerability is the heartbeat of relationships

Recently I watched the TED talk I have posted above by Anne Power. In it she explores the pioneering work of John Bowlby, particularly in relationship to Attachment Theory.  But what struck me particularly was one of her final sentences “Vulnerability is the heartbeat...

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A Book List – some recommendations

As a relationship therapist I am frequently asked for recommendations of thought provoking books on personal relationships that can help open up discussion.   Therapy offers both individual clients and couples the chance to examine issues from a different perspective,...

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Do you have a passive aggressive partner?

In couples therapy sessions, focus is often taken up with hearing and seeing aggression and anger being played out.  Passive aggression on the other hand is harder to identify often staying under the radar just bubbling away. Passive aggressive behaviour is defined as...

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Aramahoshi Big pleasure in small things

Daily Delights - Living and loving, simply At this time of year, the media is full of articles urging us to improve ourselves. It seems that every paper and magazine and every social media account I see bombards me with pathways to a better life. From diet and...

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Life stages.

At the moment in two parts of the world, Ukraine and the Middle East, we are seeing the result of extreme anger generated by fear and the results are horrifying.  For my blog which follows, written before the second  horror erupted, I have tried to look at...

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