Is stonewalling spoiling your relationship?

A New Year and better ways to resolve 2020 conflicts  Back in the day, this was only known as ‘shutting down’  Actually the term has been around since the 1800s and is linked to the American Civil War   when the Confederate troops were encouraged to...

Fair Fighting in Relationships

Watching Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn last week, wearing my ‘therapist’s hat’ it was very clear psychologically what was going on. In relational terms  (or rather ‘non-relational’ as neither of them wanted to develop a genuine rapport with the other) it was a...

Couples and Arguing

Before distinguishing one arguing style to another it’s helpful to normalise “arguing”. Couples argue and it’s healthy to communicate one’s point of view…

Anger and the Couple

Like a sniffer dog recognising the scent of explosives, we all learn to be alert to any hint of danger to our psychological well-being. Whenever we have…

Conflict in front of children – How much is too much?

When asking new clients why they have come to therapy, a common answer is to ‘improve communication’. On exploring further it often transpires that this is a euphemism for unresolved irritations bordering on rage. It can be a brave and creative decision to begin...