Coupleworks Blogs
Making the Most of Couples Therapy
I’ve often wondered why some couples find couples therapy a ‘Life ‘Saver’ and others find it less than helpful or a waste of time. I’ve made a list of the ways to come into couple’s therapy to help maximize the process. The truth is, couple therapy is not easy. It was...
Acknowledgment, admiration and acceptance.
I have noticed during my work as a couple counsellor that the loss of the early interest, acknowledgement and admiration of each other is often cited when a couple’s presenting problem is an affair. When lack of desire is the presenting problem, loss of interest,...
New Year’s Resolutions for Couples
Recently I was talking to a primary school teacher about the New Year’s resolutions their pupils were making. Along with the more predictable ones about being more helpful at home and keeping their bedroom tidy, one of them said ‘My resolution for 2016 is to ride my...
Lighten the Darkness
In the London Borough of Hackney where I live, the twinkling fairy lights decorating the trees and street lamps are switched on at the end of October, just as the evenings get darker and winter sets in. They mark the start of the winter festivals of light that are...
The Festival of Chanukah – 8 candles 8 lessons
Last Sunday Jewish families around the world were celebrating the first night of Chanukah. The time of the year when this joyous festival of lights is celebrated with the kindling of an eight branch candelebra. Over the next eight days an additional candle is lit...
Inbox Anxiety – F.O.B.O (fear of being offline)
If we are to believe advertising agencies, the lead-up to Christmas is one glamorous flurry of excitement, parties and glorious food shared with smiling friends and relatives (dozens of them, and all perfectly dressed and coiffured) Rooms are styled and presents are...
A duck’s lesson to humans.
A story referred to in Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth and The Power of Now has stayed in my mind for many years. I shall share it because it felt significant in terms of moving on and not becoming stuck by clinging to negative emotions. The story is brief and I quote:...
Can a Couple Survive an Affair
Many couples believe that an affair means that their relationship is over and beyond repair. They are certain that they will never be able to trust their partner again and they believe that the relationship can’t possibly be viable after their partner cheats. They...
You’re half the world away
Once again the John Lewis Christmas Advert is drawing a lot of publicity – to say nothing of a whole string of parodies. ‘You’re half the world away’ focuses quite rightly on the million older people who will go for a month without speaking to anyone. But that...
The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship
There have been nearly 7 million hits on the Ted Talk by Esther Perel: She questions, ‘Why does good sex fade – even for couples who continue to love each other as much as ever? And why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex?’ She explores the nature of...
Can we learn to love Winter?
So it's official, British summertime ends this weekend. This fact elicits an almost 100% groan rating, so as a devotee of winter, I am putting a case for the defence of this most misunderstood and underrated of seasons. My first witness is Edith Sitwell, who wrote:...
Technology and Humans.
For many years I have been struck by the similarities between technical frustrations and difficulties which can arise in a couple. If we look at the comparison of a computer’s hard drive and a human’s unconscious, we can see an example: If you put the wrong software...
Silence is Golden
I came back from a five-day silent retreat in Cornwall this past week and it gave me the time to reflect and sit with myself. The silence wasn’t difficult; in fact, it was a relief not talking. This got me thinking about how couples talk to one another and how...
How to survive the empty nest
All over the country in the last few weeks tens of thousands of families have had a child leaving for college or university. For some couples, this is the first child leaving and there is a lot of planning to do for the imminent departure in terms of kitting out their...
Counselling when considering Separation
Couples sometimes contact Coupleworks when they are facing the end of their relationship and have the wish to separate as amicably as possible, and with consideration and understanding. Counselling can offer support when the grief at the thought of a break-up feels...
Ageing Parents – A Rite of Passage
As the joy of summer holidays start to fade and we return to our daily routines of work, school runs and family life, it struck me how many of us may be facing the challenge of ageing parents at the same time as dealing with raising and supporting children. This...
Post holiday blues
September is often seen as a month of nostalgia. The clocks are about to go back, there's a shiver of winter in the wind and then comes the dreaded return to real life after a welcome break from normality. Those Post-Holiday Blues can really hit at this time of the...
Holidays – a Dream or a Nightmare?
Holidays are usually seen as a break from the stresses and strains of everyday life, a chance to take a deep breath and have a change from everyday routine. Going away with your significant other can be joyful and a great time to spend more time together to relax and...
Summer Holidays and How to Survive Them
It’s no coincidence that couple therapists get a wave of phone calls before and after the summer holiday season. Anxiety levels increase and tempers flare just planning the holiday. We often find ourselves overloaded with work and commitments, leaving us exhausted...
Counselling? NHS or Private?
The Differences Between the services offered on the NHS and by a Private Practice. Clients are often in two minds about seeing a counsellor/psychotherapist in the NHS and seeing one who works in private practice. The Pros and Cons of going NHS Pros: -Most importantly,...