Once again the John Lewis Christmas Advert
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuz2ILq4UeA
is drawing a lot of publicity – to say nothing of a whole string of parodies. ‘You’re half the world away’ focuses quite rightly on the million older people who will go for a month without speaking to anyone.
But that experience of loneliness can happen to those in relationships as well as to those who don’t have contact with anyone over the Christmas period. “I’ve been lost, I’ve been found, but I don’t feel down” speaks of an optimism that many don’t feel over this period of the year when people are telling us we should feel happy. The reality is that every year those of us in Coupleworks get requests for therapy because of the loneliness and frustrations that the experience of Christmas triggers.
However, if all of that feels a bit gloomy, let me give you my six top tips for relieving stresses on your relationship and giving you and your partner a better chance to enjoy being with each other over the Christmas period.
1. Talk with each other about your expectations for the holiday and be realistic and honest about them. It doesn’t help if you live in some golden haze of Christmases past. They haven’t all been fabulous up until now so don’t pretend they have been. Be honest about how you find having the in-laws to stay – or going to visit your own parents – or how it feels to be woken up at an unearthly hour on Christmas morning.
2. Make sure that, if Christmas is a mad whirl, you carve out some quality time to talk with your partner. It doesn’t need to be very long but it does need to genuine.
3. Do some things that you want to do and don’t be trapped into just doing what others are demanding of you. If you want to see a film, or go for a walk, or watch a Christmas special then make time to do that.
4. Pace yourselves on the run up to Christmas – December can be a really busy time in many jobs combined with lots of socialising.
5. Don’t pressurise yourselves when it comes to sex. It may happen – and it may not.
6. Plan ahead as much as you need to. Leaving things to the last minute can be very stressful, especially if your partner finds it very difficult if you do. Equally someone who has got everything sorted out can be a real problem to a partner who likes a degree of spontaneity. Once again the secret is to talk to each other.
My hope would be that by using some of these top tips ‘You’re half the world away’ won’t be your experience this Christmas.
Sarah Fletcher