Coupleworks Blogs
Couples and the UK-EU Divorce
After all the uncertainty over the past weeks and months we know now the UK has voted for a Divorce from our European neighbours. The aftermath of this vote seems to be causing mayhem and anxiety amongst the political parties and stock markets around the world as...
Couples and the EU – Fantasy or Fact?
Within the increasingly belligerent debates raging around our current political dilemma, we as couple counsellors might take a moment to reflect on the many similarities that regularly occur between ranting politicians and the conflictual couples in our therapy rooms....
Ducks, birds and humans .. cont’d from 22/11/2015
Taking a leaf out of John Bowlby's attachment theory, originating in the study of sheep, I have spent time observing Mallards and Moorhens. Unlike Swans, I don't think they are monogamus, however both the beautifully coloured male Mallard and the black male moorhen...
Working with Family Members
As couple therapists, our training is focused on two people: a man and a woman, two women, two men, transgender couples. These are couples that have chosen to commit to a relationship. They have a history of meeting, dating, getting to know one another and (hopefully)...
We need to talk about Sex Addiction
A recent TEDx talk by Paula Hall, a specialist in treating both men and women who experience sexual addiction, is well worth watching. In it she stresses the need to recognise and talk about the increasing problem in our society of sexual addiction. What she means by...
Competition and Compassion
The discussion of testing even very young school children has been topical recently. We are also nearing the summer GCSE and A’Level exam period - and concepts of success and failure abound. It seems we live in a competitive world. We set up value systems where we...
Endings
Reading the Sunday papers recently I was struck by how many articles there were dealing with endings. Whether it’s Boris Johnson ending his Mayorship, President Obama coming to the end of his term in office or the UK being uncertain about whether to end its long...
Narcissism and The Archers
Rob is unmasked..... Now that so many loyal radio 4 listeners are caught in a notoriously mesmerising web of intrigue that has overwhelmed the Archers, it makes a case for some comparisons with issues that appear regularly in our counselling sessions. Much has been...
The Press and The Couple.
The endless press about whether to stay in or opt out has an interesting parallel with couples. How easy it is to assume things with subject matter about which we have little understanding yet very firm opinions. We are driven by many things. We have...
Dependency
I often see trends emerging when working with clients. I ask myself if it’s just a coincidence or whether I am subconsciously moving my clients towards certain subjects that I’m interested in. (I certainly hope not!). Last week I noticed that several of my clients...
A question of communication.
When I was watching the ‘A word’ on TV the other night I was struck by one particular interchange. As it happened it had nothing to do with autism but it did have a great deal to do with communication (or rather, non-communication). The mother of the young boy...
Pre-marital Counselling
Coupleworks’ counsellors have found that couples, planning a wedding and making a commitment to share their lives together, can really benefit from a time to reflect on their hopes and expectations. It is wonderful to relish the feeling of being known and understood,...
What happens to The Couple when children leave home?
Watching the mesmerising and compelling performance of Gina Mckee in Florian Zeller’s production of The Mother at the Tricycle Theatre in Kilburn last week left me questioning long after the final curtain. Gina Mckee plays the role of a mother floundering between...
Siblings at War
Sibling Rivaly. It can all sound a bit Freudian and irrelevant within modern couple difficulties. But remember, this is where most of us start to investigate our relationship powers. The first group most people encounter is within our original family and each new...
Being Yourself.
Being yourself. Being in a functioning, learning, exploring and interested couple is all part of intimacy. Some of the experience of getting there can feel like a rollercoaster of misunderstanding and helplessness. Having paid for the ride, the couples who learn from...
What cats can teach couples
I was speaking to clients about their cats the other day and the more anecdotes they told about them the more it occurred to me that cats live their lives very much on their own terms. I have two Burmese cats, myself, and they do indeed navigate their lives...
Valentine’s Day
The unthinkable has happened. The Independent, launched with such high hopes 30 years ago, will close its printed edition at the end of next month. I can remember the excitement and optimism that surrounded its launch, with circulation rising after three years to...
Rupture in a Relationship and the Idea of Kintsugi
‘The pain of grief is just as much part of life as the joy of love. It is perhaps the price we pay for love…’ (Dr C. M. Parkes psychiatrist St Christopher’s Hospice) ‘Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in…’...
Difficulties with Commitment in your Relationship?
January was a month where we were bombarded in the press about the need to make new year resolutions, make changes to our work life balance, loose weight and go to the gym more, eat less sugar and more complex carbohydrates. In my counselling room recently, I have...
What’s the etiquette of Social Media and Couple Relationships?
One of the uncharted perils of any serious new relationship is how to deal with the tricky unwritten rules of social media. Without frank discussion this can be a subject of anxiety and frustration leading to possible future misunderstandings and conflict. How soon is...