Coupleworks Blogs
Wedding Season
Over the next few weeks thousands of weddings, both of heterosexual and same sex couples, will be taking place up and down the country. The summer has been the most popular time to get married for many decades and with the British weather, that’s unlikely to change....
Managing Virtual and Face-to-Face Relationships
• It would seem that there is a fundamental human urge to connect and relate to others - although that may be expressed in a multiplicity of ways. Each person will have their own definition of intimacy, closeness, love, relationship, connection, friendship - and what...
Silver Splitters
So much attention is directed to smoothing the jagged effects on children caught up in family separations that it can be harder to assess the effects on grown up 'children'. Divorce among the over 60s has tripled in the past 20 years, and the wider effects can cause...
Feeling special
Feeling special Given that it is a human need to feel special, part of the early seduction of a couple is the sense that this feeling is present for both. If you have felt special to your parents or parent it can be the root of your self esteem. When your partner in a...
Summer Holidays and How to Survive Them
It’s no coincident that couple therapists get a wave of phone calls before and after the summer holiday season. Anxiety levels increase and tempers flare just planning the holiday. We often find ourselves overloaded with work and commitments, leaving us exhausted...
Family Breakdown
Fewer than half of children will celebrate their 16th birthday with their parents still together. Penelope Leach is a research psychologist and well known for her books on early childhood development written in the 1970s. She has recently published a book called...
Managing a Disagreement
Within a relationship there is the reassurance of feeling that there is someone with whom we can share life’s difficulties and satisfactions. It is consoling to think that there is a person who understands and on whom we can lean. There is a comfort in knowing a...
Are you in Competition with your Partner?
With a plethora of competitive activities taking place in London and around the World this summer ranging from the Chelsea Flower Show to the football World Cup and everything in-between, made me think about Competition – and how it works in our relationships. Are you...
Fundamentals for Couple Closeness
Couples come to relationship counselling with a wide range of unresolved issues, and the therapist often has to listen closely to hear the themes behind the words. In the clamour of unheard grievances, missed opportunities and feelings of neglect, the predominant cry...
The growth of a couple
The awakening of gardens all over the country can be likened to the growth of a couple and what is needed to constantly care for and fertilise the ongoing story of a relationship. Like a mother plant, cuttings have to be made, tonic has to be given and weeding around...
Couple Therapy for Depression
Depressed? Feeling low? Life seems pointless? Historically if you were feeling like life wasn’t worth living and you went to your GP, the doctor would prescribe anti-depressant medication or recommend that you saw a counsellor or indeed suggest both. However in the...
Sex Over 50
Sex Over 50 Women are faced with transitions their entire lives. Be it childhood, adolescence, first...
Relationships – accepting the differences and remaining close
At the beginning of a relationship there is a developing awareness that we have found someone who fundamentally shares our view on life. Sometimes this person feels like a ‘soul mate’. Perhaps they have the same interests, the same values, and the same outlook. We can...
The electronic companion and the unseen intruder
Referring to the blog posted on Monday February 17th 2014, Pitfalls and Minefields, the last point could be expanded. The smart phone is a wonderful tool, full of clever Apts, convenience, speed, life saving uses and creator of feeling part of a group rather than...
Expectations
Couples naturally come into relationships with predetermined expectations, as well as their own unconscious understanding of how a couple ‘should be’. This is usually based on what they experienced growing up with their own parents. If we grew up with parents who did...
Holidays – a Dream or a Nightmare?
Holidays are usually seen as a break from the stresses and strains of everyday life, a chance to take a deep breath and have a change from everyday routine. Going away with your significant other can be joyful and a great time to spend more time together to relax and...
Fathers and Daughters
Mothers are historically seen as primary role models for daughters, and sometimes the impact of the father's influence can initially appear to be more shadowy. Where there is not a 'present dad' - then a secondary male can step in. Never underestimate the significance...
Commuting Together – Help or Hindrance?
I was approached a few days ago by Chaucer Direct Insurance to comment on the effect on couple relationships of commuting to work by car. From my experience of working with couples I offered these thoughts in response to their questions. In your experience, what...
Negotiating couple pitfalls and minefields.
Pressed buttons can ignite into hurt feelings and painful arguments even with couples that feel in harmony. Talking about things they know are liable to ‘set them off’, and how they would like to negotiate when this happens can help to avoid instant defensiveness and...
Staying in touch with son/daughters ex-partner?
Do you think it is ok to stay in touch with a son/daughters ex-partner? Sadly, this is not a black and White issue and will need careful handling depending on the circumstances. There will be raw feelings and it is important to acknowledge that it is a loss -...