Coupleworks Blogs
A longing to be told.
A longing to be told One of the most frequent questions after seminars, workshops and lectures is: “All very interesting and enlightening but how do I work with the client or couple now I have the knowledge and new ideas?” This question is also present in many...
Fathers’ Day
Fathers’ Day is upon us this weekend and all over the country and from all around the world, Dads will be receiving messages alongside the visits that will be taking place. The media too have been full of stories about fathers and parenting. Some of these like the one...
Coupleworks, Counselling, Difference and Sex
Couples often come into counselling describing their struggle to manage the conflict provoked by manifest differences. The beginning of a relationship is often a time of revelling in the similarities: the shared values and interests, the feeling of being known....
The Coupleworks Counselling Kit
Recently I was invited by a company called Employees Matter to attend a Mental Health Awareness Breakfast. This brought together HR directors from diverse companies to make a commitment to putting mental health in the workplace on their agendas. One of the speakers...
Coupleworks can help…
We often feel more confident when we know what we want to do and how we can make things happen. We can feel a sense of focus which provides purpose and direction in life. But we can also feel anxious and disconcerted when things do not go to plan. Feelings of...
Group member or stand alone.
Group member or a stand alone. Group behaviour is something which can be a comfort if the members know and follow the rules, the culture and the language. Belonging can tick boxes for some people and brings a sense of ease and security. Rules have to be followed,...
Is this the end of the relationship?
I was reading about Jon Stewart’s decision to quit the Daily Show, the American satirical news program he has hosted for 16 years, as something closer to the end of a relationship. “It’s not like I thought the show wasn’t working any more, or that I didn’t know how to...
Is This the End of the Relationship?
I was reading about Jon Stewart’s decision to quit the Daily Show, the American satirical news program that he has hosted for 16 years. It struck me that he could’ve been talking about the end of a relationship. He said: “It’s not like I thought the show wasn’t...
What’s in a name?
Well the writing is over and the bookies are settling the bets - it’s official - the names of the new Princess are Charlotte Elizabeth Diana. And as the commentators have rushed to confirm, each of those names were carefully chosen to link the baby to Kate and...
Date night
Couple therapy can do a lot at difficult times to help with insights into troubling situations. It offers an unbiased and creative space to clarify confused or tangled feelings and habits. But it is just 50 minutes a week. Clients sometimes seem surprised that the...
How to put the ‘Grand’ into Grandparenting
Recently I have received several phone calls from friends joyously announcing they have joined the ‘Grand parenting club’ and it made me think more about the significance of this important relationship that can enrich lives across the generations. There are 14 million...
Election fatigue
Q. How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? A. None. They will just spend the time blaming each other for the failure of the dud one. As couple counsellors, we are often called upon to try and better understand the power struggle that erupts when...
My Experience Working with Clients
I often read about what it’s like from the client’s experience working with a therapist. I thought it might be interesting to know what it’s like seeing clients from a therapist’s prospective. Since I started seeing clients back when I was training at TCCR some 25...
Cultivating Understanding in Our Relationships
I was listening to an interview with the Composer, Phillip Glass, last night and was struck by an answer he gave regarding his own father. After Glass told him that he was marrying a woman outside his faith, his father responded by telling his son that he would no...
Easter – a rebirth and resurrection of the couple relationship
Regardless of what your religious beliefs are, Easter can be seen as analogy for our relationships. Easter is the most important festival in the Christian calendar. Easter Sunday is the day that Jesus was said to come back to life after being crucified. At Easter,...
Mothers’ Day.
For the card designers and printers, the flower sellers and restaurants, this is another bonanza day for selling. From a mother’s point of view, who should she be, both to herself and to her children. She has already been the child of a mother and therefore has...
Couple counselling – the dilemma of that dress
So what did you see in the viral phenomenon of that dress? For you was it blue and black or white and gold? Well I still don’t begin to understand why it was different for some people from others. I’ll leave the neuroscientists to puzzle that one out. And what is even...
Sex in a long relationship
Sex in a long relationship very often needs a conscious re-awakening. Starting at the beginning when things have become lacklustre and routine can mean concentrating on four A’s. They may not be the words you would expect in a description of foreplay but keep them in...
Separation – helpful hints for ending a relationship
Separation. Helpful hints for ending a relationship because ..... Breaking Up Is Hard To Do Remember when you held me tight, And you kissed me all through the night. Think of all that we been through, And breakin' up is hard to do. sang Neil Sedaka in the...
Valentine’s Day is nearly here!
No sooner have shops packed away the Christmas cards than we are besieged by rows of red heart shaped cards, pink champagne and heart shaped chocolates - all demanding our attention, waiting to be sent, perhaps anonymously, to a partner, a longed-for lover or a secret...