Coupleworks Blogs
Denial versus exposure.
Joint denial in a couple is difficult to work with unless there is a facility for long term work. More often in the consulting room, I find one person is in denial and the other tells all. This is a common cause of irritation on both sides. Often, I hear, ' You are so...
Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is upon us – with all the hype and commercialisation that goes with that. For some couples, particularly at the start of a relationship, it can be a time of excitement and the anticipation of good things to come. But for others the day has something...
Working with Transgenders
transgender /tranzˈdʒɛndə,transˈdʒɛndə/ adjective denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex. Over the past few years I have had the opportunity of working with two transgender individuals. It...
Anxiety and Negativity in a Relationship
Relationship therapists often note that there is an increase of enquiries in January and it seems that 21st January was designated ‘Blue Monday’ - the most depressing day of the year. Is there a link? Apparently a mixture of the dark evenings and grey weather...
January can be a difficult month for Couples
What is it about January that sees such a surge in petitions for divorce and triggers a spouse to decide, out of the blue to up and leave their marriage, walk out and file for divorce, leaving partners feeling shocked, abandoned and betrayed? In my practice this month...
Retirement and Couple Life
Watching Andy Murray struggling with the aftermath of his performance this week gave a searing glimpse into the pain of the forced ending to a career in which he has worked tirelessly to gain a place of supremacy. His current suffering is a sad example of what many of...
Friendships and health.
Coupleworks.co.uk has read in the last few weeks that friendships are beneficial to mental and physical health. Coupleworks, formed in 2004 is a non profit making group of skilled therapists who between us have gathered approximately 150 years of couple counselling...
Finding a therapist isn’t always easy
Finding an individual or couple’s therapist should be straightforward and yet it can sometimes be a complicated process for people. Asking for help can be difficult and finding the right person that you’re comfortable with requires the ability to be clear about what...
Relationships and Stress
As a therapist I often see how powerfully external factors in life can influence the stability of a couple’s relationship. Sometimes these can stem from events happening to a friend or family member – illness, death or marital breakdown can all have significant...
Relationships and Commitment and ‘Why You will Marry the Wrong Person’ (Alain de Botton)
‘The person who is best suited to us is not the person who shares our every taste (he or she does not exist), but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently - the person who is good at disagreement. Rather than some notional idea of perfect...
This Can Happen
It’s not very often that attending a conference leaves such a buzz and positive energy amongst the participants. This is how it was at the This Can Happen Conference on Tuesday 20 November 2018, the inaugural corporate mental health event where companies address...
Couples Therapy can help with Mental Health Issues
This year’s theme for Mental Health Awareness week was ‘Surviving or Thriving’. Mental health problems are on the rise – we are making progress on our physical health but not doing the same with our mental health. Thanks to journalists and TV programmes speaking out...
People Pleasing – the Pitfalls of being Too Nice
Let’s start by agreeing that there’s nothing wrong with ‘nice’ - although the word can have a slightly saccharine ring to it. Being a thoughtful and loving or attentive partner, colleague or friend is a Good Thing. We all need to give and receive neighbourliness and...
Grandparent couples in the 21st century
I am writing this blog with the knowledge I have gained over the years about couples becoming grandparents; mainly in the Western World. As a background to my thinking I am taking for granted that grandparents in certain cultures, religions, social positioning and in...
Jealousy: How to Embrace and Talk about it with our Partner
Dr. Ari Kiev, a New York psychiatrist, who has written on the subject of jealousy, calls it “the most painful” of human emotions. He claims that jealousy often strikes in the early stages of a relationship when the couple have not developed a sufficiently strong...
Relationships – which ‘season’ are you in?
A friend of mine was recently facilitating a group of people from the Voluntary and Community Sector. In seeking to assess where they were at in their work, he talked about how organisations often go through different ‘seasons’ in their lives: Spring, with its fresh...
Couples: Healing and Reconnection after Betrayal and Infidelity
Coupleworks’ counsellors frequently witness the acute distress of a couple dealing with the aftermath of a betrayal when there have been secrets and lies and boundaries breached. Trust has gone, the relationship no longer feels safe, and there is the possibility of...
Mind the Age Gap
Getting back into work after the summer break is always a varied and an interesting time. Some couples feel the break has been far too long and can’t wait to resume their weekly sessions. Other couples feel the summer break has been good for their relationship and...
How to avoid an Affair and Curb that Wanderlust
Let’s start by acknowledging that all long term relationships will have their rocky moments. Watching elderly couples on tv sitting side by side and celebrating 50 plus years of ‘happy marriage’ needs close examination. When they cheerfully state that they’ve ‘had...
Body Language
The social psychologist Amy Cuddy has given a TED Talk (June 2012) entitled ‘Your body language shapes who you are’. She discusses how our body language influences how we are perceived by others - but that it can also change our perception of ourselves. More than...