Coupleworks Blogs
Difficulties with Commitment in your Relationship
January is a month where we were bombarded in the press about the need to make new year resolutions, make changes to our work life balance, loose weight and go to the gym more, eat less sugar and more complex carbohydrates. In my counselling room recently, I have been...
How to make boredom your friend
It's that time of the year... What can we do differently, how can we improve our lives, how can we look and feel better. Gym membership traditionally soars in January only to dip again by the start of February when the newbies realise they haven't got the time,...
A New Year – a New Relationship
Many of us start the New Year with various resolutions ranging from the need to eat healthier, stop drinking, commit to more exercise etc. Let’s spare a thought to starting 2017 by thinking about making resolutions in our relationships that will help make them more...
Date night: How often do Couples Spend Time Together
Recently I’ve become curious as to how often couples go out together, so I asked a few I work with how often they make an effort to spend time together. Not surprisingly, most couples responded, “It’s been ages since we last went to dinner, the cinema or theatre...
Couple kindness.
I once attended a seminar where the speaker asked us to think about how unkind we can be to our partner. In fact she went further by asking us to visualise anyone else in our life circle whom we would feel as free to verbally abuse and still expect them to be there...
Tips for surviving Christmas
The mince pies have been in the shops for months, the war of Christmas adverts has begun and soon we will be in full swing. But Christmas comes with mixed emotions for many, the pressure of presents, food and family. For couples with young children there is the...
Stuck couples
Couples get stuck, Relationships get stuck, Marriages get stuck Feeling stuck in a relationship is often what brings couples into counselling. We can all identify situations in our relationships where a level of stuckness is to be expected. But when stuckness feels...
Change
At a time of seismic upheavals across the globe, we are currently dealing with changes that seemed unbelievable not long ago. Change brings uncertainty and loss, and can sometimes be so unsettling that we can feel we lack the resources to know how to cope. Twice in...
Blame or Acceptance and Understanding in a Relationship
Zen master Buddhist, Thic Nhat Hanh, writes: When a plant does not grow well, you do not blame the plant. You look for the reasons that it is not doing well. You may need to do something differently: it may need feeding, or more water, or less sun - but you don’t...
Autumn
Autumn has early memories for all of us who live in countries with seasons and brings many feelings as it arrives. It can bring a sense of wellbeing and comfort and also melancholy and depression. This disparity highlights how hard a couple needs to work together with...
Supervision: how it serves clients
It is widely accepted that all counsellors, whether experienced or starting out, will benefit from regular professional supervision. A supervisor acts in a mentoring role, providing emotional support as well as information and guidance. Geldard and Geldard (2001)....
Coping with Grief and Loss
‘I hold it true, whate’er befall; I feel it when I sorry most; ‘Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.’ Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote these words in response to the sudden death of his friend Arthur Hallam. But it does not need a death to...
Resilience in the Couple Relationship
Couple therapist Esther Perel writes that ‘we each come out of childhood with a greater need for either separateness or togetherness’ and, as a result, managing our adult relationships is a constant challenge. Very often a close couple relationship is one of our...
Building and Repairing Trust
As we watch with astonishment the battle that is being played out between Clinton and Trump and the bitter attacks that are being thrown at each other, its very difficult to believe that we can trust either of them to fulfil the role of President of the United States....
Addiction in a Couple
In couple therapy where one has an acknowledged addiction, there is a real challenge for them to see that this situation can only be changed by both partners adapting their behaviours. Addictions are based on distorted thinking and this is underpinned by the...
Summer Holidays and how to survive them
It’s no coincidence that couple therapists get a wave of phone calls before and after the summer holiday season. Anxiety levels increase and tempers flare just planning the holiday. We often find ourselves overloaded with work and commitments, leaving us exhausted...
Uncertainty.
Uncertainty. The shock of unexpected change, when it is a superego decision, thus removing control, brings fear and anxiety into everyone affected. We in the UK have seen this domino effect of shock reverberating around the country. As well as amazement and...
How to Cope when your Ex Moves on to a New Relationship
The American sitcom, Modern Family, makes separation and divorce look easy. The characters seamlessly move from one relationship to another, and the actors all appear to accept the ever-moving changes without seemingly registering any of them. Perhaps the clue here is...
How to keep sex alive
Summer might only just be upon us but it is the season of weddings nonetheless. Many couples are experiencing the results of much planning and anticipation as they come to their big day. Many hopes and expectations abound as to what their life together will be like –...
Feeling stuck
Couples often come into counselling feeling frustrated and stuck. They feel trapped and confused at certain painful and negative patterns in the relationship. They know it seems counter-intuitive not to just change the reactions which are causing such distress, but it...