Coupleworks Blogs
Couples and Marriage
Over the next few weeks thousands of weddings, both of heterosexual and same sex couples, will be taking place up and down the country. The summer has been the most popular time to get married for many decades and with the British weather, that’s unlikely to change....
Coupleworks, Counselling, Difference and Sex
Couples often come into counselling describing their struggle to manage the conflict provoked by manifest differences. The beginning of a relationship is often a time of revelling in the similarities: the shared values and interests, the feeling of being known....
The Importance of Fathers Day
After the election chaos, the atrocities of the London bombings and yesterdays fire disaster in Grenfell Tower, Fathers Day on Sunday comes as a welcome relief. A celebration first observed in Washington in 1910 to honour fathers and father figures, step fathers,...
Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder
Addictive behaviours draw in other family members. There will be instinctive reactions in concerned onlookers of anyone with an eating disorder. The Maudsley Hospital in South London have developed a range of descriptive animal metaphors to clearly illustrate the...
Beware of the safety of Echo Chambers
We are probably all guilty in some way about only reading opinions which back up our thoughts on issues most of us can do nothing about anyway. We read the same newspapers and watch the programmes which back up our standpoint. We stick to our opinion on subjects which...
Adulting
The term Adulting has been thrown around on social media for the past few years and many of the definitions are often ladened with their own inference and judgement. One definition defines Adulting (v): to do grown up things and hold responsibilities such as, a 9-5...
Depression and the Couple Relationship
Like many I was impressed with the way in which Prince Harry talked so honestly about the struggles he has had since his mother died and how he came close to a complete breakdown on a number of occasions. Last week’s Mental Health Awareness Week has also made more...
Trauma and the Couple
‘The effects of unresolved trauma can be devastating. It can affect our habits and outlook on life, leading to addictions and poor decision-making. It can take a toll on our family life and interpersonal relationships. It can trigger real physical pain, symptoms, and...
Couple Therapy can help with Mental Health Issues
Mental Health Awareness week takes place from 8-14 May and this year’s theme is ‘Surviving or Thriving’. Since 2005 mental health problems are on the rise – we are making progress on our physical health but not doing the same with our mental health. Thanks to...
A Spender or a Saver?
Learn to negotiate your money, the biggest pitfall in couple life Forget the chores, the sex and even the in-laws, it is the unsolvable disagreements about money that research now shows to be the biggest source of serious difference leading to separation in...
Spring brings new possibilities.
“When spring came, even the false spring, there were no problems except where to be happiest. The only thing that could spoil a day was people and if you could keep from making engagements, each day had no limits. People were always the limiters of happiness...
The Value of Knowing We Can Be Wrong
I was reading an article in the Times this weekend about Intellectual Humility and people’s willingness to accept the possibility that their beliefs and attitudes might be wrong. Research shows that “At the high end of the trait are people who recognise their beliefs...
Rituals and Relationships
Every culture, every family, every couple indeed every individual, has their rituals. Some have been there for centuries – others are of a much more recent origin – but all are important to the formation of identity. Of course it is also true that as human beings we...
Issues of Anxiety and Control in a Relationship
Couples in a close loving relationship often describe trusting that the partnership is an emotional safe haven. They feel optimistic for the future of the relationship because they hold the belief that their partner is looking out for them, has their well-being at...
Is giving up on marriage easier than working on it?
Over the past week I was lucky to attend two very different events that I found very interesting and which shared a common thread – the importance of resilience and survival. The first was a strictly orthodox Jewish wedding where Rabbis from every sect and from all...
Let’s have a good row
Couples coming to counselling will usually describe communication problems as one of the main reasons for seeking outside help. A magnetic twosome that starts in a glowing bubble of love, fuelled by a powerful cocktail of chemical reaction is likely to have some...
Talking in tongues.
Lack of communication is a phrase I hear a lot when seeing a couple for the first time. In many cases, this is followed by, "there is no sex in our relationship any more". This indicates the possibility that words, phrases and sentences are an important part of...
Valentines Day Every Day
Most couples dread certain days in the year. New year’s eve, Christmas with the in-laws, etc. But nothing causes more anxiety than February 14th. The hype and expectations Valentine’s day demands doesn’t always equate to a couple’s expectations and, more often that...
Mistakes in communication, memory and perception
Earlier this month I was approached by Katie O’Malley to give some comments for an article she was writing for Elle Magazine online about how to be how to be happy in love. Read here As part of the brief Katie sent me a Ted Talk by Stan Tatkin, which I found really...
Couples: Communication and Conversation
Coupleworks’ counsellors frequently meet couples desperate to improve their communication - and often start by asking about the beginning of the relationship. ‘You’re My World’ Cilla Black The time of falling in love can be marked by fascinated curiosity, rapt...