Coupleworks Blogs
The Four Agreements: Simple Rules for Good Relationships
Ok, I hate to admit it but I started listening to Super Soul Conversations, a podcast by Oprah Winfrey. I have always strayed away from commercial spiritual teachings, with the exception of Eckart Tolle because he is The Real Thing but after Oprah’s speech at the...
12 Rules for Life
A couple of weeks ago I was at the latest of a series of evenings organised by the How to Academy. The speaker – Jordan Peterson – looked intriguing and I was particularly interested to learn about his new book ’12 Rules for Life: An Antidote for Chaos’. But what I...
Couples and Conversations about Sex
All sexual relationships can change over time and be affected by so many different circumstances: a critical relationship dynamic, an affair, medication, the distress of infertility, stress at work, loss of libido, health issues, ageing, low self-esteem, menopause,...
A Couple Check List for the New Year
We are already three weeks into 2018 and how many of us are still going strong with our new year resolutions to do more exercise, eat less sugar, have a dry January? How many of us have given up already and prioritised on refocusing on work? How many of us have...
Smart phones – addictive behaviour or social connection
Smartphones have changed our lives. Fact. But the scary truth is that the average Brit checks their phone up to 85 times a day And that could be a staggering daily 5 hours. The new year media is overflowing with advice for weight loss, more exercise and helpful hints...
Tips for surviving Christmas
The mince pies have been in the shops for months, the war of Christmas adverts has begun and soon we will be in full swing. But Christmas comes with mixed emotions for many, the pressure of presents, food and family. For couples with young children there is the...
Present giving between partners.
If money is no object or every penny counts, getting present giving right is tenuous at best... an accident waiting to happen at worst. Trust comes into the equation of giving. Defined as: care--duty--hope--assurance and expectation, trust is paramount but so often...
Give thanks on Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is my very favourite holiday (you’ve guessed it, I’m American). The annual tradition and ritual of celebrating Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends brings a profound feeling of gratitude for our life and people we love. It’s a day to register and...
Are things what they seem?
In his latest blockbuster, ‘La Belle Sauvage’, Philip Pullman graphically describes a group of people who have lost touch with the realities that surround them. They live in a make believe garden of abundance and pleasure, whilst the ‘fog’ that envelops them hides the...
We’ve got to go through it….
There’s a wonderful children’s picture book by Michael Rosen, ‘We’re Going On A Bear Hunt’, that I think has a message for us all. We wake every morning preparing to face the stresses of the day. We take a real or metaphorical deep breath, look for the positives,...
Stress and the Couple
Two news items caught my attention this week: how stress impacts relationships and whether there is a stress gender divide. The first is new research released for National Stress Awareness Day on 1 November 2017 shows that many more women than men are feeling stressed...
Illness and the Relationship
Tough times are likely to invade all relationships at some stage, and unexpected challenges can come upon us very suddenly. Life will sometimes deal unforeseen blows that appear with shocking suddenness. When 'Sickness/Poorer/Worse' replace the 'Health/Richer/Better'...
Rubber stamping.
When couples come in for the first time there are one or two common questions which they ask. How many sessions will they need and how long will it take are both very familiar to me. This is very helpful in terms of trying to listen and hear their story...
Understanding Changes in Sexual Frequency
Many couples we see at Coupleworks come into therapy feeling as though there is something fundamentally wrong with their relationship when their desire starts to wane and the pattern of their sex life changes. It can sometimes be difficult to help couples normalise...
The Course of Love Alain de Botton
'Love means admiration for qualities in the lover that promise to correct our weaknesses and imbalances; love is a search for completion.’ This quotation, which in many ways both expands and focuses Plato’s search for your other half as described in his Symposium,...
Couple Relationships and the Importance of a ‘Safe Haven’
Couples often come into therapy anxious that their relationship has developed a disturbing negative dynamic. They are unsettled and ill-at-ease and have lost the sense of each other as an emotional safe haven. They have become less confident in their future together...
Navigating Change in a Couple when children leave home
The summer holidays are over and the kids are back at school. Many parents up and down the country are bracing themselves for the inevitable when in the next few weeks their children will be leaving home for university. Adjusting to children leaving home, whether its...
Separation – helpful tips for ending a relationship
Separation. Helpful hints for ending a relationship because ..... Breaking Up Is Hard To Do Remember when you held me tight, And you kissed me all through the night. Think of all that we been through, And breakin' up is hard to do. sang Neil Sedaka in the...
Wedding Season
It's wedding season and there are thousands of newspaper articles, magazines and blogs advising couples on how to plan the perfect wedding. Most couples focus on the big day but neglect the bigger question of what they're expecting from their marriage. Couples would...
Couples on holiday.
Before taking time to think about what you hope for on a holiday, try to align your expectations to how you are as a couple at home. Most couples are having to compromise, acknowledge and deal with difference, communicate feelings without paying a price and think...