In his book ‘Addicted to Anxiety: How to Break the Habit’, Owen O’Kane is of the opinion that we are living through an age of anxiety. This period of history will be understood as the world struggling with yet another epidemic. Not an epidemic caused by a virus like Covid, but countries and populations caught in the contagion of a generalised anxious state of mind.
Social media can play into this anxiety as we get drawn into scrolling through news stories of worrying world-shaking events. We become biased to the topics to which we pay attention and concerned when we read how climate change and financial upheavals will affect us and future generations. We can feel the pull to anger and frustration, and be left feeling exhausted and impotent and uncertain as how to deal with events that have the power to alter the course of our lives.
News-feeds of catastrophes reinforce our fears. Of course it is natural to care about suffering, and be vigilant to malevolence and threat but, when hopefulness and optimism are dismissed as foolish naivety, we can feel stuck in a dark place.
What is to be done?
So what to do when we feel overwhelmed and depleted of energy? How can we begin to focus to calming overstimulated nervous systems?
It takes courage to face the pain and not attack or turn away but we need to build an environment of safety that allows for inclusion, reconnections and feelings of belonging.
The world is complex and cannot be reduced to simplistic solutions. People are complex and we are all imperfect and make mistakes. We need to be allowed the space to acknowledge our wrong-turnings and repair any hurt we’ve caused. Like fingerprints we are all unique individuals and an acceptance of difference works against ‘othering’ and blame.
Turning towards compassion
Professor Paul Gilbert, who established the ‘Compassionate Mind Foundation’, says any change of attitude starts with compassion. First for oneself and then radiating out through family, friends, community and beyond.
Compassion changes the narrative
Anxiety is usually a result of a nervous system sensing a threat and leaping into action in order to prepare for battle with a fight, flight or freeze response.
Contradictory to common belief, the human brain was not designed for constant happiness. It evolved with a powerful threat detection system. It is programmed to be vigilant to impending danger, alerting us to be on guard. It triggers the release of adrenaline and cortisol in preparation for attack or defence.
However, sometimes the feeling of threat never abates, and we are stuck with high levels of coursing through the body, leaving us in an unsettled, jittery panic. We become over-reactive and ineffective, finding it difficult to think calmly and follow through.
Tuning into feelings and recognising the triggers
It is not our fault that the brain works this way but it is important to recognise that it is a primitive response, not always appropriate, and can be a blunt instrument. We can learn to recognise the impulse and understand our triggers. We then have the power to make a different assessment of the situation, and change the script and our responses.
Many of us have under-developed soothing systems and tend rely on external events to ease the situation, or other people to provide reassurance. We can turn to alcohol or drugs or over-eating to provide immediate relief and alleviate tension.
Choosing change and growth
It needs practice to engage in the compassionate self-talk that can create the necessary safety required for growth and change. Compassion is not a luxury but is a psychological necessity to alleviate distress. It can reshape habitual thinking patterns and build self confidence and self-esteem.
Anxiety increases feelings of inadequacy and feelings of not coping and amplifies an inner voice of self-criticism. More than ever, it is compassionate reassurance and gentle emotion regulation that is required and found to be more effective than a ‘stiff upper lip’ and forcing oneself to ‘think positive’.
Challenging negativity bias
But, in the face of distress- “What is wrong with me?’ – the answer is not always as simple as positive affirmations and telling yourself, ’All is well really’.
But it is also not getting stuck in what can feel like the impenetrable darkness of despair and self-attack.
What begins to make a difference is a change of focus: responding to the anxiety with gentle encouragement and care.
A softer curiosity that asks, ’What is it that is making me feel so unsafe right now?’ in order to test the reality of the threat and lead to glimmers of understanding. We often need help to recognise what is required and how to engage our support systems. We can begin to build coping mechanisms and learn what regulates and alleviates distress.
Contradicting the negative inner voice
Very often we can be personally judgemental and speak more harshly to ourselves than we would to someone else. It is important to consciously replace the negative loop of derogatory commentary with words of soothing reassurance, encouragement, kindness and care.
‘How can I see this in a different light?’
We can avoid the danger of labelling oneself as ‘an anxious person’ and separate our identity from the feeling.
You are larger than your current emotional state.
Compassionate self-talk
Psychologist Kristen Neff has research to show that supportive self-talk can reduce emotional distress and improve resilience.
There are many different ways of regulating emotion and it is worth exploring which kind and compassionate words work for you to create the right conditions for healing.
Resilience
From a psychological perspective, resilience is built, not by avoiding distress, but by experiencing challenges and the difficult feelings that arise, and the discovery that we can cope. It is possible to take the blows, slings and arrows, and adapt, recover, and continue to function. And not only that, tough and painful experiences can, extraordinarily, sometimes leave a legacy of self-knowledge and a stronger sense of self-efficacy.
Self-confidence is not grounded in an absence of struggle. It is based in the knowledge that we have been hit with adversity and recovered.
We experience loss, rejection, disappointment and failure and learn that the sometimes intensely painful emotions can be survived. The event may leave its mark, change us irrevocably, and we may need help to recover, but we came through. We can get through to the other side.
‘Tender is the night’ by Blur
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
Come on, come on, come on
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
That we have
Kathy Rees