As a couples counsellor based in North London, with over two decades of experience supporting individuals and partners, I’ve seen how a summer holiday that’s often looked forward to can also be a surprisingly testing time in many relationships. The extra time together, changes in routine, and underlying pressures can all add up. In some circumstances, what you had hoped could be a relaxing holiday can quickly turn into something far more challenging. In this article, I want to explore the roots of summer holiday relationship stress and offer some practical tips to help you reconnect, even during tricky moments.
Summer Holiday Relationship Stress – Why Summer Holidays Can Cause Hidden Tensions to Surface
Most couples go into the summer holidays with the hope of unwinding and reconnecting. There are often unspoken expectations that everything will suddenly feel easier, more romantic, or more like the version of the relationship you had before the everyday grind set in. When one or both partners think the other is not meeting those expectations, tension can rise quickly.
For example, one partner may expect the other to switch off entirely from work, but this might not always be realistic. With emails still coming through or deadlines looming, it can lead to frustration and the feeling that one person is not fully “present”. Others might struggle with the lack of structure, feeling unmoored without the usual routine of school runs or work schedules.
Parenting can add another layer of stress to your summer break. There’s an expectation that sunshine and a bucket and spade will be the answer to everything. So, it’s easy to underestimate how demanding childcare might be during a summer holiday. Absence from familiar settings or without routine can mean you end up doing a lot more to entertain your child than you would at home. This situation can lead to exhaustion, less couple time, and sharp words exchanged over what feels like unequal responsibility.
Then there’s the issue of space. Whether you are in a hotel room, a holiday rental, or visiting extended family, being in close quarters can limit your ability to decompress. Even in good relationships, everyone needs a little personal space to recharge.
Financial pressures can also play a role. The cost of holidays, meals out, and activities can highlight differences in priorities or spending habits, especially if one partner feels more cautious or stretched than the other.
Practical Ways to Reconnect and Stay Steady
If you notice early signs of summer holiday relationship stress, it can help to pause and talk openly about what’s going on. Keep communication non-accusatory and straightforward. Try phrases like, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed today. Can we have ten minutes just to check in?” rather than launching into a list of grievances.
Agreeing on realistic expectations before the holiday begins can make a real difference. Have a conversation about what you each want from the time away, whether it’s relaxation, adventure, or just a break from screens. This frankness can help avoid unspoken disappointments in the future.
Make room for individual space where possible, even if it’s just taking turns going for a short walk or reading alone for a while. A little time apart often helps bring people back together more warmly.
If parenting is part of the picture, try to plan moments where one of you gets a short break while the other takes over. Even a half-hour alone can reset your mood and increase patience.
Finally, consider shared rituals during the holiday that help you reconnect, such as taking a short walk after dinner or enjoying a morning coffee together. Even small moments can become anchors during times of tension.
Coming Through Stronger
Summer holidays don’t need to be Instagram-perfect to be meaningful. They can be an opportunity to learn more about each other, build understanding, and notice what helps you feel more connected. If tension arises, it is not necessarily a sign that something is going wrong, but that there may be essential parts of your relationship asking for attention.
Often, what surfaces during a holiday is not new but something that has been simmering quietly beneath the surface, overshadowed by day-to-day demands. Without the usual distractions, these underlying issues can become more visible. That can feel unsettling, but it can also be the beginning of something constructive.
If you return from your break feeling that things were harder than expected or that specific patterns kept repeating, you do not have to face that alone. Therapy can provide a steady, thoughtful space to explore these feelings and work together to understand what is going on between you.
If summer holiday relationship stress has left you feeling unsettled, we are here when you’re ready.Contact Coupleworks therapists, who can use their expertise to help you navigate these issues. We are a London-based practice, but we can also work with clients online.
Dawn Kaffel