The current issue of Private Eye (No. 1651 13 -26 June 2025) has, on its front cover, the question ‘Is Bromance Dead? A Photocasebook Special.’ Not surprisingly given the nature of that magazine, the six pictures accompanying the headline chart the relationship of Donald Trump and Elon Musk as we have seen it being played out over the past year – with the scenarios changing from mutual support and admiration to, more recently, slander and bitter enmity.
Of course, by the time you read this blog, the pictures may have changed again and harmony between the world’s most powerful man and the world’s richest man may have been restored but the pattern of major disputes bringing relationships to an end is an all too familiar one for those of us who work as relationship therapists.
Very often our services will not be called on as things have just gone too far, but sometimes even quite angry and bitter antagonists do end up coming to our counselling rooms even if on the surface that’s only to sort out familial or quite concrete matters of dispute. Of course, it is impossible to neatly predict the end from the beginning but sometimes some sort of way ahead is possible if only to enable the couple concerned to talk meaningfully with each other, as effective communication tends to be the first casualty of angry interchanges. That can then enable the couple either to move forward together or to more amicably separate.
So what are the things that we at Coupleworks try to work on with couples who are locked into seemingly ‘intractable positions’?
- Encourage them to have a ‘cooling off’ period.
- Foster Open, Honest Communication. As I have already said, genuine communication of often the trigger and first casualty of a relational breakdown. There is often a lot of noise but neither partner really hears what the other is saying. The challenge is to Practice Reflective Listening.
- Encourage genuine empathy. Whilst one person may feel strongly that the fault all lies with the other it helps if they can recognize each other’s pain.
- Encourage apologising for the role they have taken in the conflict and also taking some responsibility for what has happened.
- Discuss ways forward including agreeing to disagree.
- See if there any small ways to rebuild affection.
- Suggest that they make the relationship rather than the arguments their priority
So, could these steps work for Trump and Musk? To be honest I doubt it given the super-egos of the protagonists, at least as portrayed in the media. But I have seen seemingly impossible situations being turned around over time, provided that the partners involved are prepared to take some responsibility for their role in the situation and are committed to wanting to change things.
For us as therapists, whilst we can try to help the couple to do the work it does require bravery, honesty, resilience and kindness for things to change.
Sarah Fletcher