Couples and Nature. 

At Coupleworks when we are looking for different ways to proceed with a couple, analogies can be very helpful.  I find ‘nature and gardening’ can offer insightful clues about human interaction and social intercourse.

Couples sometimes struggle with growth and resolutions, finding themselves withering.  Their growth and evolution seems stuck in some way and new ideas and patterns become stepping stones too far apart.  This can happen naturally in the wild but in cultivated gardens and parks, plants and trees follow a controlled course throughout life often being thrown away if no longer perfect .

When this happens in cultivation, due to time and labour costs, the plant often gets no chance to revive itself..  With couples and individuals, this need not be the case.  There are ways to rejuvenate their bond and start a re-growth.  Pruning dead branches and twigs can be done by partners who notice and share the trigger points. Together they can do some necessary pruning. 

If they get stuck within the relationship and there seems to be no way through, we all look together to find an alternative/fertiliser.  This enables a re-growth in the couple and a fresh approach/soil in which to grow. 

We look at why things become stuck over time and why the reason gets held onto rather than altered.  Why does this happen?  It is worth looking together at where the block seems to have started and what was going on at that time…..any time between childhood and present day.  Why are the negative reactions held onto and not avoided?   Is there a fear that if a resolution is found, something uncomfortable or scary may take its place?  Might a successful plant become too big or threatening in some way. 

Risk taking, so hard for many people, is often, as with nature, a difficult concept.  If you move a dormant plant into a fresh place with new soil, it can strengthen and thrive.  Sometimes, however, it is uncomfortable in its new place and neighbourhood and it  becomes stuck again.  Taking the risk is brave and the result is part hope and part learning about what made it cease to thrive in the first place.

As the human race, unlike plants, we have feelings which used to advantage are a gift. 

Clare Ireland