Coupleworks sometimes find it useful to link everyday news items to real experiences of one of our couples.
A news item which illustrates this was reported recently:-
The North Circular is not a motorway….it is a main road running through both private dwellings and busy town centres. The good news was that an area previously used as a rat run just off the North Circular had become a protected traffic zone only open to locals, schools and safe family life. This was much appreciated after years of negotiation by the local communities..
Children began bicycling to school safely, old people felt safe chatting on the pavement, able to hear and join in socially, easier access to shops, clinics, playgrounds and other facilities improved life in the community.
Previously the rat run used by lorries, cars, motor bikes, vans and deliveries created dangers of pollution and road traffic deaths: 11 local children had died from chest related conditions; road accidents involving old people crossing the road too slowly and killing any form of community life so necessary to families and people living alone.
Meanwhile the North Circular had reduced to a standstill. Covid produced fear about public transport which in turn increased traffic on the roads. Rush hour became an all day event which resulted in high levels of pollution in the whole area also seeping back into the protected zone which negated the hard won freedom and safety.
Anyone following my thought process and knowing my couple themes will already be comparing this to relationship arguments and the difficulties of hard won change over periods of therapy when big efforts are made to unblock patterns of repetitive harmful behaviour. Sometimes the rewards seem elusive
Couple solutions to log jammed problems are not only soluble, they can also carry future rewards. No amount of money thrown at road schemes may ever achieve such results.
Change in negative behaviour with loved ones is a choice, but the hard earned rewards keep growing. Coupleworks are there for people choosing to work together to stay together. With a third person listening and hearing in an objective way a deeper understanding starts to grow.
The negative trigger points feel less deliberate and hurtful. Managing the feelings which arise becomes different and the couple begins to feel trusting and safe.