Crossroads in Relationships
In every relationship there comes a point where a couple starts to think about moving forward. This might mean a more serious commitment, such as seeing each other exclusively; introducing each other to parents; living together marriage or children. This is a crucial and difficult time for couples to negotiate because it becomes a statement for themselves, friends and family that their relationship is serious. This is invariably a make or break time between couples.
Who says it first?
Couples rarely feel ready to move their relationship forward at the same time and this can create an imbalance in the relationship. If couples can learn to accept that difference doesn’t need to translate into rejection it can reduce tension and allow a couple to think about their relationship and move forward in a way that can accommodate them both.
‘But I thought we would have six children and move to Italy.’
When couples assume that their partners want the same things that they do problems arise. Being clear with ourselves about what we expect from our relationship helps us communicate this to our partner. Difference is not the problem; it is not being clear (and specific) about what these things are that result in conflict.
It’s a relief to say it as it is.
When we feel free to name what we need and want it helps to give shape and direction to our lives as a couple. Of course we need to learn to compromise, but as our mothers’ used to say: ‘If you don’t ask you don’t get.’ So get talking.
Shirlee Kay