Coupleworks Blogs

One way therapy can help.

I feel admiration for my clients who decide to discuss their couple life with a therapist whom they trust. The trust is often a difficult thing because there may have been a breaking of trust earlier in either or both of the people in the couple's lives. This will...

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Death the Avoided Topic: How to work with Loss

During the past year, I have experienced two close deaths (ok, one was a pet). It’s taken time to fully appreciate the impact this has had on me. I’ve learned some fundamental lessons throughout this process, and how some of my narratives about death have been...

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How to keep sex alive

Summer might only just be upon us but it is the season of weddings nonetheless.  Many couples are experiencing the results of much planning and anticipation as they come to their big day.  Many hopes and expectations abound as to what their life together will be like...

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A Healthy Relationship involves Acceptance

Creating A Safe Couple Relationship with Your Partner Entails Finding a Way to Accept the ‘As Is’ (Ella Fitzgerald: ‘My Funny Valentine)     ‘You’re my funny valentine, Sweet comic valentine, You make me smile with my heart… But don’t change a hair for me, not if you...

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Mental Health and the Couple

To launch Mental Health Awareness Week 2019 The Duke of Cambridge has teamed up with stars from TV and Music to record the Mental Health Minute.  The theme behind this year’s minute is to highlight the importance of listening. Just by taking a minute to stop and...

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Can you stay friendly with your ex?

Looking at the royal family for an overview it would appear that there are two hugely differing outcomes of a separation. We can all see Sarah Ferguson and Prince Andrew’s rumoured enduring and affectionate connection and we have also seen the apparent face of far...

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Managing time.

On March 31st our clocks went forward one hour meaning we lost one hour's sleep. On 27th October the clocks go back and we gain one hour's sleep. There is spasmodic controversy about this and from time to time the Act is altered This process has changed over the years...

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Understanding Changes in Sexual Frequency

Many couples we see at Coupleworks come into therapy feeling as though there is something fundamentally wrong with their relationship when their desire starts to wane and the pattern of their sex life changes. It can sometimes be difficult to help couples normalise...

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The Yes Brain Child

In my experience as a therapist Mother’s Day raises all kinds of questions and emotions for my clients.  Frequently their own childhood experiences of being mothered will continue to impact them and is affecting how they are in their current relationship.  Equally too...

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The idea of a ‘Normal’ Relationship

‘If it is true that there as many minds as there are heads, Then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts’ (Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina) The recent controversy in Birmingham schools over sex and relationship education has exposed the belief, held by some,...

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Secrets and Lies

Couples come to therapy for a range of different reasons and one of the most important requirements for any good therapeutic experience is that there is openness and honesty in the sessions.  But clients are not always honest with themselves, or their therapists and...

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Conflict in front of children – How much is too much?

When asking new clients why they have come to therapy, a common answer is to ‘improve communication’. On exploring further it often transpires that this is a euphemism for unresolved irritations bordering on rage. It can be a brave and creative decision to begin...

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Denial versus exposure.

Joint denial in a couple is difficult to work with unless there is a facility for long term work. More often in the consulting room, I find one person is in denial and the other tells all. This is a common cause of irritation on both sides. Often, I hear, ' You are so...

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Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is upon us – with all the hype and commercialisation that goes with that.  For some couples, particularly at the start of a relationship, it can be a time of excitement and the anticipation of good things to come. But for others the day has something...

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Working with Transgenders

transgender /tranzˈdʒɛndə,transˈdʒɛndə/ adjective denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex. Over the past few years I have had the opportunity of working with two transgender individuals. It...

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Anxiety and Negativity in a Relationship

Relationship therapists often note that there is an increase of enquiries in January and it seems that 21st January was designated ‘Blue Monday’ - the most depressing day of the year. Is there a link? Apparently a mixture of the dark evenings and grey weather...

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January can be a difficult month for Couples

What is it about January that sees such a surge in petitions for divorce and triggers a spouse to decide, out of the blue to up and leave their marriage, walk out and file for divorce, leaving partners feeling shocked, abandoned and betrayed? In my practice this month...

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Retirement and Couple Life

Watching Andy Murray struggling with the aftermath of his performance this week gave a searing glimpse into the pain of the forced ending to a career in which he has worked tirelessly to gain a place of supremacy. His current suffering is a sad example of what many of...

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Friendships and health.

Coupleworks.co.uk has read in the last few weeks that friendships are beneficial to mental and physical health. Coupleworks, formed in 2004 is a non profit making group of skilled therapists who between us have gathered approximately 150 years of couple counselling...

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Finding a therapist isn’t always easy

Finding an individual or couple’s therapist should be straightforward and yet it can sometimes be a complicated process for people.  Asking for help can be difficult and finding the right person that you’re comfortable with requires the ability to be clear about what...

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