Coupleworks Blogs

Is it Gutsy to stay in a marriage after Infidelity?

Hilary Clinton was speaking to ABC’s Good Morning America this week to promote a book she wrote with her daughter Chelsea The Book of Gutsy Women.  When asked “what was the gutsiest thing Hilary had ever done” she replied “politically running for President and...

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Autumnal Change and Uncertainty

Let’s start with the premise that change is usually unsettling. The human brain is generally not programmed to thrive on risk, so habits and learned ways of thinking can be a source of comfort in our daily lives. The wise American philosopher William James stated...

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Memory

It is now six weeks since the moving and emotional D-Day landing anniversary which made people in Europe and the wider world stand still and marvel about the courage…

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Couples and Arguing

Before distinguishing one arguing style to another it’s helpful to normalise “arguing”. Couples argue and it’s healthy to communicate one’s point of view…

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Narcissism and the Couple

Over the past few weeks it has been difficult to ignore the amount of publicity and hype being given to ‘Killing Eve’.  Prior to the launch of the second series…

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Anger and the Couple

Like a sniffer dog recognising the scent of explosives, we all learn to be alert to any hint of danger to our psychological well-being. Whenever we have…

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Building and Repairing Trust

As we watch with varying degrees of disbelief the goings on between the Conservative candidates vying for the job of Prime Minister, it’s very difficult to believe that we can trust any of them to fulfil this important position. Being able to trust your partner is one...

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Why the Father-Daughter Relationship is so important

With Father’s Day still in our sights it’s worth reiterating the pivotal importance of the paternal role. In therapy, it becomes so clear that dads sometimes underestimate their influence on growing daughters. And women who have grown up with disappointing or punitive...

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One way therapy can help.

I feel admiration for my clients who decide to discuss their couple life with a therapist whom they trust. The trust is often a difficult thing because there may have been a breaking of trust earlier in either or both of the people in the couple's lives. This will...

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Death the Avoided Topic: How to work with Loss

During the past year, I have experienced two close deaths (ok, one was a pet). It’s taken time to fully appreciate the impact this has had on me. I’ve learned some fundamental lessons throughout this process, and how some of my narratives about death have been...

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How to keep sex alive

Summer might only just be upon us but it is the season of weddings nonetheless.  Many couples are experiencing the results of much planning and anticipation as they come to their big day.  Many hopes and expectations abound as to what their life together will be like...

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A Healthy Relationship involves Acceptance

Creating A Safe Couple Relationship with Your Partner Entails Finding a Way to Accept the ‘As Is’ (Ella Fitzgerald: ‘My Funny Valentine)     ‘You’re my funny valentine, Sweet comic valentine, You make me smile with my heart… But don’t change a hair for me, not if you...

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Mental Health and the Couple

To launch Mental Health Awareness Week 2019 The Duke of Cambridge has teamed up with stars from TV and Music to record the Mental Health Minute.  The theme behind this year’s minute is to highlight the importance of listening. Just by taking a minute to stop and...

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Can you stay friendly with your ex?

Looking at the royal family for an overview it would appear that there are two hugely differing outcomes of a separation. We can all see Sarah Ferguson and Prince Andrew’s rumoured enduring and affectionate connection and we have also seen the apparent face of far...

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Managing time.

On March 31st our clocks went forward one hour meaning we lost one hour's sleep. On 27th October the clocks go back and we gain one hour's sleep. There is spasmodic controversy about this and from time to time the Act is altered This process has changed over the years...

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Understanding Changes in Sexual Frequency

Many couples we see at Coupleworks come into therapy feeling as though there is something fundamentally wrong with their relationship when their desire starts to wane and the pattern of their sex life changes. It can sometimes be difficult to help couples normalise...

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The Yes Brain Child

In my experience as a therapist Mother’s Day raises all kinds of questions and emotions for my clients.  Frequently their own childhood experiences of being mothered will continue to impact them and is affecting how they are in their current relationship.  Equally too...

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The idea of a ‘Normal’ Relationship

‘If it is true that there as many minds as there are heads, Then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts’ (Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina) The recent controversy in Birmingham schools over sex and relationship education has exposed the belief, held by some,...

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Secrets and Lies

Couples come to therapy for a range of different reasons and one of the most important requirements for any good therapeutic experience is that there is openness and honesty in the sessions.  But clients are not always honest with themselves, or their therapists and...

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Conflict in front of children – How much is too much?

When asking new clients why they have come to therapy, a common answer is to ‘improve communication’. On exploring further it often transpires that this is a euphemism for unresolved irritations bordering on rage. It can be a brave and creative decision to begin...

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