Never was so much owed by so many to so few…has become a mantra in the UK in terms of our debt to the NHS.

This same quote is present today under different circumstances in many areas as well as the NHS.  Patterns and rhythms are altered by law.  We, at Coupleworks, are noticing the resilience of our couples and individuals when entering a therapy arena through choice, often before the Pandemic, and how hard they try to resolve difficult issues in their lives.  They are finding new normals and routines which are not always frustrating and difficult and can be a new acceptance of change.

This change in feelings and management of difficulties is highlighted in Christina Fraser’s blog posted on 14/01/21 onto under Resources.

She mentioned the Japanese words Mottainai and Mushin.  The translation of Mushin is: accepting change and that, also being part of the serenity prayer used by 12 step programmes, has been very relevant of late.  

This time round, however, in our world history, the acceptance of change has been an order and not a choice.  Single adults, couples, parents and as a result of their input, children have had to accept change and get on with it.

Of course, there have been rule breakers but there have also been stoics who have, with often great hardship and loss, tried to think collectively and not only about themselves.

In my couple and single work, I have been humbled by the resilience and strength of so many.  This time round those famous words have been prevalent .  Yet the many and few are levelled out to become by so many to so many.  The acts of unpaid kindness and care are extraordinary and people are finding their own resolutions to problems they thought on entering therapy were insoluble. 

This idea does not detract from the pain and hardship, rather, it finds a chink through the distress which is greatly aided by other people listening and hearing the suffering. Being heard is the first step towards grief, change, tolerance and struggle.  Listening is a healing quality we all own but sometimes forget to use. We talk about this a lot in the Counselling room.

Clare Ireland