Archive for losses

Counselling could have helped

It’s a couple thing. What happens when a partner decides they no longer want to be in the relationship. Were the signs not clear enough?
Scotland, it’s been a long and historic union – when did you decide that you no longer felt that your needs we’re being met? And did you not talk about this clearly? Or did we not listen early enough?
All relationships need to feel safe, and partners need to feel appreciated. Why did we not sit down and discuss this rationally before the divorce lawyers were called in.
Anger and blame are sometimes easier to express than the quiet sadness and feelings of loss that accompany the pain of possible separation.
Our identities are entwined. After we abandon the cliches of our individual profiles (please don’t mention heather, bagpipes, beefeaters or bulldogs) our DNAs are mingled. Some of us even live in each other’s countries.
You say you want to leave us, but instead of explaining how good we are together, maybe some of us have been telling you how much you will lose, and even suggesting that you won’t get a fair share of our combined family assets.
We’ll all get through, but many of us won’t get what we desire here. It could even be 49% of us. Change brings losses, but we should have talked about this much earlier.
Better together? Who knows, but by exposing our feelings so vehemently for these past weeks at least we all know that this is important. The opposite of love is not hate, the opposite is apathy – we are neighbours forever, so together or apart, please let’s stay friends.

Christina Fraser