A longing to be told
One of the most frequent questions after seminars, workshops and lectures is:
“All very interesting and enlightening but how do I work with the client or couple now I have the knowledge and new ideas?”
This question is also present in many different dilemmas. How to vote in a referendum? Which partner is the right one? Which house or flat to live in, job to take, area to live in, holiday to go on or school to send your child to? Doctors or specialists giving options about treatment and you, the layman, has to decide which choice of procedure your feel is best for you.
How do I work with this? What do I do? So many scenarios result in this uncertainty. Perhaps this is why the works of Irvin Yalom and Neville Symington are very readable. They are honest about themselves and at the same time offer guidance to the reader.
There is a bit of child left in all of us which hopes that as an adult there will still be someone to ‘tell you’ what to do or how to feel.
In work with couples, we find that this is present and yet unspoken in the room all the time. A longing to be told by their partner, friend or therapist, yet the adult in them hates to be told and will most probably do what they were going to do in the first place.
At Coupleworks, we try to gently give our clients the trust in their own judgement by slowly finding the confidence that makes the risk feel worth while.
The knowledge that there is no one who can tell them, is a lonely and frightening moment but once accepted it is also an empowering and releasing feeling.