Couples and immigrants – looking at the similarities.

How often do couples choose each other, in part, for their differences?  In our therapy rooms we notice this choice is often a slice of the whole seduction.   Couples who work through these differences on their own or by choosing couple counselling find their bond and intimacy increases. Sometimes, these differences are too hard to surmount and drive the couple apart.  With therapy this is less likely when there is a third independent party present with no agenda with the couple other than looking for different ways to overcome the stalemate.

Immigration across the world has some similarities.  People cross borders searching for something different from where they landed at birth.  There are so many reasons for this that to define them would be wrong.  What is known is that the promise or hope, once achieved, might be disappointing in reality and far from the perceived expectations and dreams.

The similarity between couples and immigrants is about the fear and anger when the dream fades and a sense of loss, abandonment, rejection and unfairness arise. At Coupleworks, we try to look at all sides of peoples’ stories and work out together how to find a middle way which, in the end might be better than the unrealistic dream.  This takes compromise, mediation, conciliation, adaptability and acceptance.  It takes listening to the anger and fear and by respecting that, finding resolution.

Clare Ireland

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