Moving house can be a positive step for a relationship

Statistics tell us that moving house can be one of the most stressful experiences alongside divorce and bereavement. Certainly at Coupleworks we often see clients who are facing a move into a different area or who may be considering relocating to a different country. This is often where communication breaks down and can be seen as a negative experience. This can raise unresolved issues between a couple at a crucial time of change and interferes with the feelings of joy and connection with starting somewhere new.

Having just been through the experience of moving out of a home shared for 32 years with a partner who has always been very reluctant to move, I appreciate how stressful it can be especially as we only had 4 weeks to do it in, which in our case probably was the best thing, as there wasn’t much time to process anything except start packing!!

I was rather anxious how we would cope knowing that moving house can put a strain on even the most solid of relationships. Here are some of the thoughts I had along the journey:

Moving house can be an incredible rollercoaster. Change can be scary for one and exciting for the other. Home was always comfortable and familiar. Going someplace else is new and very unfamiliar. Despite the stress and tensions, it is surprising how beneficial it can be if treated in the right way and if we take advantage of opportunities open to us. Managed well, far from straining a relationship, it can often strengthen it and breathe new life into it.

Here are a few tips to help reduce anxiety and ensure your move progresses as smoothly as possible.

• Delegation of responsibilities. You know what your strengths and weaknesses are. Discuss and work out who is going to do what and when and keep check lists.
• Discuss what you need to take with you, what you need to leave, what you need to dispose of and what you may wish to give to charity
• Give yourselves time to talk about the things you might miss about your old home. Remember the happy and sad times spent there, the neighbours, the familiarity, the views. Acknowledging all the losses and expressing sadness is a positive step
• Don’t be afraid to express your fears of the unknown – the what if’s…
Moving from where you know to where you don’t can bring on anxiety for most people. However change can be very exciting and can bring new life to a relationship so go and grab it and make the most of it.

Counsellors at Coupleworks specialise in helping clients resolve any difficulties that might make moving house easier to manage. This can be via face to face, telephone, or if you don’t have time to attend in person through our Skype counselling service. Please do contact us at Coupleworks

Dawn Kaffel

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