In his latest book ‘Kosher Lust’, the sometimes controversial America’s Rabbi Boteach proposes the reason why the institution of marriage is on the decline is just that – marriage is seen as an ‘institution’. Who wants to be a member of an institution? It’s a time and a place to ‘settle down’ rather than ‘live it up’.
He believes what has most destroyed the institution of marriage is something we would least expect, namely ‘love’. He questions whether love is enough to keep a couple together under the same roof all their lives? After all, partners can cheat on each other though they love their spouse.
Why? Because the push and the power of lust is an overwhelming force that makes people forget everything when confronted with this magnetic emotion.
The need for love, friendship and companionability seems to have been elevated to such a place of importance that it strips marriage of its passion and energy.
Certainly at Coupleworks we are seeing many more clients who present with feelings of boredom and falling out of love because the core element of lust that brings life to a marriage is missing.
Boteach believes the most important ingredient in a happy marriage is desire. Once lust wanes and the curiosity for one another declines, partners slowly drift apart, choosing instead consistency and predictability. Monogamy becomes synonymous with monotony.
Boteach refers to Western libido being on ‘life-support’. A sexual famine is gripping marriage with one out of three long-term relationships being entirely platonic and the remaining couples having sex about once a week for 7-10 minutes.
The complete marriage is where partners are lovers and best friends. Today we are mostly and sometimes the latter.
Boteach believes passionately that the antidote to this somewhat lucklustre existence is passion, lust and vitality. To prevent lust wearing off, remember the three rules that make it last: unavailability, mystery and sinfulness. Kosher Lust delves into the erotic mind to explore these rules further.
Kosher Lust – Love is Not the Answer is written by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and available on Amazon