The growth of a couple

The awakening of gardens all over the country can be likened to the growth of a couple and what is needed to constantly care for and fertilise the ongoing story of a relationship.

Like a mother plant, cuttings have to be made, tonic has to be given and weeding around the base needs attending to in order to keep the health and strength of the original root. Sacrifices have to be made to make way for new shoots and changing shapes and ideas.

With a relationship, daily care is needed, new ideas formed and new friendships, hobbies and interests outside and within the couple to enable change and passion to happen without threat to the trust and containment of the two people forming the root couple.

Trusting the other to the extent you trust yourself is an essential part of individuation. Following different interests and incorporating some different groups of friends for each person is like fertilisation and tonic to a plant and couple.

As well as shared ideas, hopes and concerns, outside input is a necessary part of development and change. If a plant is left to soldier on, becoming weaker each year, it will often live a long life but without vibrancy and energy.

Freedom, within trust and interest in the other person’s life on the planet as well as your own, is a wonderful thing if achieved without a sense of abandonment from either side. It brings with it the colour and shape of an interesting garden which changes with time and nurture.

Clare Ireland.

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