To have and to hold

To have and to hold or to have, love and let go, which is the question?

The questions presented are both applicable to either relationships or parents and children.

 To have and to hold is to be avoided if possible in both areas.  To hold a partner is stifling and controlling.  Both sides of a relationship need to branch out into their own interests, friendships and groups in order to fertilise the ongoing partnership and avoid the pitfall of familiarity and boredom.  The outside life can be brought back within in discussion, sharing friendships and attending each other’s groups from time to time.  Trust has to be present in order to achieve this.

 With parents and children it is tempting to hold in subtle ways and not fully let go.  The letting go has to come gently from parents first and though often painful in the process. The adult children will begin to stand alone and form their own identity through learning how to deal with difficult issues and unhappiness. Solving problems will increase self-esteem as they take up the reins of their own adult life.

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